Thief of Hearts
by annakas
Summary: Rating for language. RemyLogan a.k.a GambitWolverine. Remy's thoughts about Wolverine and the Xmen after Antarctica.


Thief of Hearts By annakas

I am watching him again. It's an obsession now. He is de only thing dat keeps me sane and, funnily enough, it looks like he has no idea what so ever of my interest in him.

It is sad - I never looked at him like dat before... Well, I never thought many things before de D-day either. It is so very sad of me, non? How could I miss it? How could I be so blind? I am a frigging empath for gods sake, and all de time I have been mooning over dat bitch and miss de real thing under my own nose!

Then again, I was too afraid to use my empathy before, but still I had no idea at all and I have always prided myself in recognizing and knowing an interest in me. I know why dat is so. I was just too proud and cocky; and definitely too full of myself, full of my so called charm and beauty. In reality full of crap and so very, very, very blind.

I have hurt him very much with my behavior, with my coldness and false superiority. And de results of dat? Now he only observes me. My ignorance of his feelings has hurt him a lot. Dat much I can tell even without my empathy.

How did it feel for him to see me throwing myself at her feet and begging like a masochist for de things she could not... non, non, non! Things she could, but would not give, when turning to him I could have had it all? It isn't like Rogue couldn't have slapped a collar on herself. But with him there wouldn't have been a need for collars, except if Wolverine has some kink I am not aware of, but hey I am flexible and I have every intention to learn everything about his kinks.

I am losing track of my thoughts. Where was I? Ahh, yes, I could have gotten everything from him. His mind, his body, his soul and his beautiful heart if only I would have asked him, reached out for him, bloody hinted at interest in him! He would have come and given it to me.

How could he stand it, to see de strings of total strangers, both hommes and femmes, walking through my bedroom when me and Rogue were in an off stage in our so called relationship? I don't even remember how many times we broke it off and two weeks later came back together so dat we could break it off next week again.

I know dat I could not stand it if he had lovers walking around every corner. Oui; I am a little possessive of my things. And yes, he is mine, he just doesn't know it yet. So I guess I am lucky he does not have lovers, or even a lover. He has eyes only for me. And if he had a lover, it would take enormous strength of will from me not to scratch his lover's eyes out, or strangle de person who dares to touch something dat is mine.

What sad eyes he has, and I am de reason for it. He never tells nor hints about his interest, he is afraid of me hurting him. Hurting his precious heart. And what a heart he has! Such a warm place. Keeping me warm when he is around. A balm to my wounded soul and crushed ego, when de only thing dat surrounds me is de hate of de rest of my teammates and de cold of Antarctica. He is my safe haven, my sanctuary, and he does not even know it.

De D-day, my death day, de day I died and was reborn in de cold ice of Antarctica. De day I understood dat Rogue only used me to boost her ego, as I used her in return to be safe from the closeness of another being…

Merde! How did he feel when he heard about my betrayal and death? Knowing someone you love as deep as he loves me has died? And knowing dat de same person is responsible for de deaths of innocents? He had to feel so helpless, and definitely some rage for not being there to help. Because dat would be what I would feel if he were left to die, and if he betrayed us.

I shudder at de thought of never finding out about his feelings for me. It was pure accident after all, I mean, me finding out about them. I had just come back to de X-men; he hadn't seen me yet. My mental walls were so weak and then de disgust, rage and hate from my teammates were weakening them even further. I had to stay in de room and tell them about my survival, my regret, my guilt. Warren and Rogue's hate weakening my will, Scott and Storm's disgust, and all de others with their not so kind words, thoughts and feelings. I thought I would throw up if I had to stay in de same room with them for even a second more. Their feelings were making me cold and numb. I am always cold these days, no warmth at all.

And then when I had lost all hope of surviving their interrogation he stepped into de room. I could feel his grieving and sadness. He didn't notice me at first, but when he did he gasped with surprise. There was shock and then suddenly such a warmth, love, happiness at seeing me alive, seeing me, Remy LeBeau, de master thief of de guild in New Orleans. I could breathe again. His care and his joy drove de other dark depressing feelings away, his love covered me, kept me safe and warm.

Oh so very warm. I had almost forgotten de good feelings humans were capable of. He gave me a little smile and then his face went blank, neutral, but de warm fuzzy feelings stayed. If I were not an empath I would never have known dat he loves me so deeply.

At first I tried to convince myself dat he felt only lust, but I could not lie to myself. Oh, there was desire, a lot of it, and love - so much dat my knees almost gave out; but there was also such a great sadness and longing, and a will to not go and take what he wanted - namely me. And dat made me sad in return.. He didn't trust me to keep his heart safe. Oui, he trusted me to watch his back on a mission, he would even trust secrets to me, but not his precious, warm, caring heart.

But then again, had I given him reasons to trust me so? Certainly not! De way I used Rogue as she did me in return didn't exactly give me de reputation for being capable of keeping his heart whole and not broken. Nor did de masses of different lovers I had when Rogue and I were on an off period again. This certainly didn't give him de impression of me being capable of devotion and monogamy. Not dat I ever cheated on Rogue. When I took other lovers we were always on an off period in our relationship. Anyway, so he kept quiet and is still keeping so.

He hurts himself when he has no reason to do so. I would cherish his love and protectiveness! He hurts with a broken heart when there is no reason to hurt.

But I will fix it soon. I will do whatever I have to do to win his trust, to keep his heart whole and safe from harm. I will seduce and woo him with all my being, all my skill; and I do have a lot of skill even if I say so myself. I will bare my soul to him and hope he believes me, he has to, otherwise... life would not be worth living anymore.

He is my sun, my hope, my all. Does he really not know his heart is already mine to keep? No, he does not, he tries to resist, to deny; but I will not let him. I have stolen de most precious treasure in my life, his heart, without even knowing it, and I will keep it, keep it safe… he just does not know it yet.

I can not believe dat I once thought he was not desirable, too short, too hairy, too grumpy, de annoying smell of cigars, de bad taste in clothes and a mind of questionable worth. But now, he is not short but strongly earthy, he stands with his two feet on de ground. Too hairy? Hell non! With all dat hair he will keep me warm after de cold of Antarctica… He has very soft hair. Grumpy? Hell yes! But dat is just de way he is. And his earthy smell will ground me, give me a feeling of security. And his mind? So strong and very, very, very loyal. A true alpha-male who will protect me from all de pain, if I can convince him in my love as well.

How could I have been so blind? Ah, it does not matter anymore, I know now and dat is all dat matters. I love him, I want him; so I will have him, and he will have me in return. He does not know of my plan yet. But he will know soon, very soon.

Logan - Wolverine, I am coming for you, and nothing can keep me from you; now dat I know of your feelings for me. So you better watch out because Remy LeBeau is on a hunt, and you will be de sweet prey. De Thief of Hearts is working once more…

fin


End file.
